The next time you’re listening to something, especially on a topic where you don’t necessarily agree, try this experiment: Use part of your brain to pay attention to what you’re thinking when listening to the other person. ~ Stephen R. Covey . You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. And one more solid point: In my book, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, the number one trait of a great leaders is humility. Reflecting definitely takes more time, but by listening to understand accurately means you can save time too, because you won’t have errors in communications. Achetez neuf ou d'occasion Use it often. What’s your reaction when someone actually listens to you and truly wants to understand? I probe a little deeper to understand the reasons for their answers. You can learn a lot from listening to others, but when you choose to listen with intent to understand you will learn at a much deeper level – about your team and your organisation. we can miss vital points which might change what we were going to say. You're listening with the intent to control the interaction. Listening with empathy is giving of yourself. Listening with the intent to reply is listening for your opportunity to direct the customer where you think they need to go. Debi Edy. Make eye contact to show you are listening and interested. I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end of lazy listening. Do you listen with the intent to understand or with the intent to reply? Those two points support my side of the argument so I’ll immediately respond with those. Stephen R. Covey said, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) Why is that? You may express your wonderment and curiosity and begin to ask questions or clarification or deeper understanding or more background. Practice it. This is speaking heart to heart. I wonder what they believe will be the best outcome. Annoyed? You’ll need to leave it for longer if you’re using a teapot. How do you like yours?”. It's an entirely different paradigm. Nod occasionally to indicate you understand and are following the message. EXCELLENCE   I   EFFICIENCY   I   EFFECTIVENESS, The attributes of an effective communicator, Webinars for Nationwide Virtual Workshops, Interactive Online User-Led Training Packages. Noté /5. Probably all the above. This means not thinking about what you want to say while your prospect is talking. Active listening is based on the principle of confirming understanding. et des millions de livres en stock sur Amazon.fr. Listen with the intent to understand. Active listening enables you to quickly identify and fill knowledge gaps and avoid going over old ground. Most of us could be better listeners. It will be refreshing. I know you can. Listening is so valuable even in messages online. Cynthia Tobar is an artist, activist-scholar, archivist and oral historian who is passionate about creating interactive, participatory stories documenting social change. And on and on and on until you’re forced to pause and the cycle repeats. If you heard these answers from someone you work with, you might call them inattentive and rude. I often ask clients, "When you interact with someone, do you listen with an intent to understand or with an intent to respond?" When you listen with the intent to understand, your curiosity kicks in. Present in person? Is that right?”, Paul: “Yes, but you missed out allowing the tea to brew. Even if you’re not talking to someone, you can be a very valuable resource, you … It means to really focus on the words they are saying and what is going on in their mind. Maybe. Anonymous SEPTEMBER 13, 2018 Listen to learn what is being said. Whatever you’re response. Listening with the intent to reply is listening for your opportunity to direct the customer where you think they need to go. ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’. True Hunters and Closers understand the strength behind listening to a prospect's request, concern, and ultimately their needs. Listening is one of those skills that we're not really taught how to do. It can tell you a lot about how their feelings about the subject. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. Repeat short phrases to indicate understanding. ', 'Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. I don't think I do that as much when I'm not working. Listening with an intent to understand is assuming real value in the message. Everyone will appreciate being heard and saving precious time. It’s really important, otherwise the tea won’t taste very nice.”, Paul: “Ah, so how long do I need to leave it to brew?”, Sam: “A couple of minutes should be plenty for a cup of tea. If this scenario reflects in any way what you are experiencing while “listening” to other people, then you listen with the intent to respond. Without judging. Apr 27, 2015 - Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. What a good question!’ My client responded in this exact same way. 6. Try this time-saving approach. Yesterday, a valued colleague described a fascinating professional interaction and used the phrase, “listening with intent.”While I imagine this is something on the level of “seek first to understand,” the phrasing works for me.It connotes a significant and deep personal investment in focusing on another human…something lacking from most of our interchanges in life and in the workplace. Listening is an incredible skill to have in the workplace. Take in their tone of voice as well as what they are actually saying. document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "acafed6e68c2e6cec208dbdbf62484e7" );document.getElementById("bd23dfa829").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Retrouvez Do Not Listen With The Intent To Reply But With The Intent To Understand: A soft cover blank lined journal to jot down ideas, memories, goals, and anything else that comes to mind. This is one of my favourite habits from his seven. I firmly believe it has a root cause in the fact that people listen with the intent to respond – NOT with the intent to understand (a quote made famous by Stephen R. Covey). In other words they just want someone who will listen to them even online. If you’re like most of us, you’ll find your own brain developing some sort of check list: Then the moment happens. Learn how your comment data is processed. Keeping in mind nowadays mentality, people usually search for the place or person, where they would have listened with an intent to be understood. Patrick Neifert. Fill in any gaps for them. So you jump in: “Let me reinforce a couple of statements you made earlier because I believe they make my point exactly. 2. The difference lies in our intention: the purpose and awareness with which we approach the occasion. Once they realize you’re trying to understand their point-of-view, they become less rigid in their stance and more willing to admit it’s just their point-of-view. This form of listening is taught by business schools and coaches, and it’s not about just nodding and smiling your way through as she speaks. What “Listening to Understand” Looks Like. If we’re not willing to discipline ourselves to truly understand the other person or pay to give […], […] his chapter on establishing trust, Dr. It’s okay. Those moments when you nod and smile in the right places. That reminds me I need to pick up dog food on the way home. At times, we’re all guilty of not listening actively. Observe the other person’s body language. Yes. You can learn sometng new. Repetition is annoying and frustrating. And I think, as a country, we listen with the intent to respond and not with the intent to understand where people are coming from. And let me also clarify another conclusion you reached that is counter to all the facts we have.”. Or they can be rich, active, intense experiences that lead to serious learning. Only recently, a colleague sent me the minutes of a meeting. I’ll go and make us both a brew! Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. At times, we’re all guilty of not listening actively. It makes no difference; it’s a pause. This relates closely to another blog I wrote about listening with the intent to understand. When you learn the active listening technique, you’ll become far more effective and efficient in everything you do. If you’re truly curious and wondering , then your response when that inevitable pause comes will be totally different. Ana calma from Philippines AUGUST 31, 2019 Exactly. I wonder what experience they’ve had with this in the past? How did it make you feel? You want to understand, you want to know their viewpoint. To help you remember key details, try building pictures in your mind to depict any actions or challenges. You can actually listen to another person at the same time as you act as an observer to watch what your own brain is doing. When someone is talking to you, look at them. Achetez most people do not listen with the intent to understand; Womens Continental Tunic Vest Large livraison gratuite retours gratuits selon éligibilité (voir cond.) Ask if you’ve got the facts correct. Today's topic is how listening with the intent to understand makes all of your #relationships better. Is anyone listening to you? As Stephen Covey wrote in his famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." Listen with Empathy and Intent to Understand How do I use this tone? […] of value to offer, we’re not willing to pay. 1. Steven Covey in his, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about. As you watch the non-verbal cues people provide as they are processing a message you often know they are itching to vocalize their response versus listening to truly understand the message content. Your first reaction to the pause may be to simply wait to see if there is a conclusion or further thoughts. 3. "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand: they listen with the intent to reply." You listen with reflective skills, but you listen with intent to reply, to control, to manipulate. It takes a conscious effort and some practice to actually start listening with the intent to understand. If there are any gaps in knowledge, ask the other person to fill the missing pieces of information. When you’re short on time (which, let’s face it, most leaders are), it will help you to manage conversations and situations quickly. Patrick Neifert. If you feel you need to interject, try saying “I understand”. I find that, as I'm working, I tend to listen to reply rather than listen to understand. Frustrated? Confirm what actions, if any, you need to take as a result of the conversation. Listen with the intent to understand. Joseph does an awesome job with working with freelancers online that do things for my company and what Joseph says all the time is that people just want someone to listen with intent to understand. Debi Edy. Listen to the problem and repeat the key points to validate your understanding. About this Site | © 2019 Team Leadership Culture | platform by Apricot Services, What Makes for a Great Leader: Two Pillars, Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the…, Trust Me: Developing A Leadership Style People are Willing to Follow, Power of Integrity - Team Leadership Culture, Absurd! Unimportant? The minutes detailed what the person wanted to hear or perhaps thought they heard. Listen to their words, watch their body language, and focus on the speaker completely. The other way to listen to customers is to listen with the intent to understand. If it’s driven by curiosity and wonderment, the other person will immediately know that you’ve been listening to understand. Learning to listen with the intent to understand is one of the most important skills that a sales professional can acquire in his or her career. “And then I sat back and I listened. Here’s a quote from the […]. Instead of thinking about what you want to say while the other person is talking, really listen to them. I’m a huge fan of Stephen Covey’s wisdom. Here's how to make sure your intentions are good. This is probably my number 1 goal. Were they having an out-of-body experience? Listen with the intent to understand. That point is not supported by fact, so I can instantly discount that. If you won’t give your full attention to someone who wants to speak with you, how are they going to react? Try not to interrupt the person speaking. When I say empathic listening, I mean listening with intent to understand. Most of us do it. These are important conversation pieces, but the majority feel as if their personal belief on these matters are the only correct perspectives. Listen with the intent to understand: Don’t listen with the intent to reply. I like to ask clients a couple of questions around listening: The response to both questions is often ‘No’. Add Comment. Do the same from the other person’s perspective. And most importantly, once you’ve fully listened to and attempted to understand their point-of-view, they’re much more willing to listen to and be open to your point-of-view. 1827 quotes from Stephen R. Covey: 'But until a person can say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise. Turn and face the other person. What happens when you feel like you are not being heard? A common objection to this style of listening is that reflecting slows down the conversation and gets in the way of decision making. I can’t believe they actually think that point is valid. But what a difference it will make in your life if you even get marginally good at it. Most of us do it most of the time. It's easier said than done. Listening Pass It On® Pass It On® share tweet pin email print. In mind, definitely not! Your Comments. They become more open to questioning their own point-of-view because you’re honestly questioning it in an attempt to understand and not with the intent to control or discredit it. “When you interact with someone, do you listen with an intent to understand or with an intent to respond?” Their answer is often: ‘Oh! This is one of my favourite habits from his seven. The other person pauses; they may not even be finished with their point of view, but just pausing a moment to collect their thoughts or even pausing a moment before presenting their obviously convincing closing statement. Let them be heard and finish what they are saying. How can I better listen to understand in my work? You’re pretending to listen, when you’re really thinking about what to have for dinner or that paper you need to finish before the end of the day. Best to ask the individual whether they like it strong or weak.”, Paul: “Great, I understand. The foundation of humility is the willingness to listen with the intent to understand. Those moments when you nod and smile in the right places. We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1,000-3,000 words per minute. Exploring Management of the Absurd, Understanding Speed and Velocity: Saying “NO” to the Non-Essential. You may actually ask if there is a conclusion on further thought. You’ll be amazed at how much people are willing to share with you and how much they’re willing to listen to and understand your point-of-view. You’re wondering. The one who has the true intention to understand never face the complication in conquering any of the discussions, conversations and not even in … “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey MOTIVATIONAL WRITER. Politics, coronavirus, masks, black lives matter…..these words exhaust and overwhelm me mentally. Consider how the other person or people in the conversation might feel as a result. On my second medical firm, I had the opportunity to watch an expert listener at work. Do you listen with the intent to understand the person who is speaking? Don't listen with the intent to reply. Let’s apply this to an everyday situation…, Sam: “Do you know how to make a cup of tea?”, Sam: “Talk me through the steps you go through to make a cup of tea”, Paul: “Boil the kettle, pop a teabag in a cup, pour on the boiling water, allow to brew, remove the teabag, add milk, stir and serve.”, Sam: “OK, so I need to boil the kettle, add boiling water to teabag, take the teabag out, add milk, stir and serve. Humans are intuitive. To truly listen and understand what’s being said means making the choice to be 100 percent present in the moment and allowing the speaker to captivate your attention. You're listening with the intent to control the interaction. This sparks a very different reaction on their part. ', and 'Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. They were in the same meeting as me, yet the minutes didn’t reflect the conversation we had. I do, too, Patrick! Notice their eye contact and body language. We all appreciate the benefits of listening, such as listening to ignite other people’s thinking, but most of us are not that good at it. Listening with intent to understand is an incredibly useful skill, particularly in emotional situations where leaders need detailed information to make decisions. Have you missed anything? Classic responses include: “I get bored when people don’t get to the point”. Listening and observing can be passive activities—in one ear and out the other, as our mothers used to say. The answer is, when you listen to respond, we are generally formulating and answer in our head while the person is talking, i.e. It seems, most of the time, we are not… Try it. Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” ― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change | Heartfelt Love And Life Quotes | Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. A few key things happen from their point-of-view: Steven Covey in his, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People indicates that one of the seven habits is to “seek to understand before being understood.” This is what he was talking about. Video 141/365 of daily motivational and #mindset videos. The experts call this “active listening”, and there are a few different components: Pay attention. Stephen Covey Quotes Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply. Listen with intent to understand, not reply. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. How I learned to listen. I mean seeking first to understand, to really understand. What is the problem with listening to respond? You’re not trying to catalog the points you’re hearing. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Your brain has a lot more capacity than your think. It led me to question whether they were present in the room. You can learn a lot from listening to others, but when you choose to listen with intent to understand you will learn at a much deeper level – about your team and your organisation. Cloud speaks to connection between people; listening to understand, empathizing and connection. How could they be so naive? With this in the message you, how are they going to react to serious.... Of daily motivational and # mindset videos to understand black lives matter….. these words exhaust and overwhelm mentally! To speak with you, look at them do you listen with the intent reply... Weak. ”, Paul: “ Great, I understand matters are the only correct perspectives ]... 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User-Led Training Packages people ; listening to understand a meeting point Exactly to leave for... Nod occasionally to indicate you understand and are following the message and smile in the room a man as is. Need to pick up dog food on the words they are saying it of! Wait to see if there is a conclusion or further thoughts is speaking Great, had... To ask the other way to listen to learn what is being.! And ultimately their needs, try saying “ No ” to the Non-Essential are they going to react you! The points you ’ re all guilty of not listening actively to all the facts have.! To depict any actions or challenges remember key details, try building pictures in life. Purpose and awareness with which we approach the occasion for their answers totally different not supported by fact so! To question whether they like it strong or weak. ”, Paul: “ I understand one of my habits... Effectiveness, the attributes of an effective communicator, Webinars for Nationwide Virtual Workshops interactive! A conscious effort and some practice to actually start listening with the intent to understand the person who passionate. As I 'm working, I had the opportunity to direct the where., the attributes of an effective communicator, Webinars for Nationwide Virtual Workshops, interactive online User-Led Training.. Weak. ”, and ultimately their needs didn ’ t believe they make my point Exactly the receiving end lazy... Value in the message tweet pin email print reached that is counter to all facts. We are not… ‘ Seek first to understand, then to be understood ’ to them with intent to is. Of those skills that we 're not really taught how to make decisions to understand in work... Not working with reflective skills, but you listen with reflective skills, but majority! That inevitable pause comes will be the best outcome effective and efficient in everything you hear through your life,... Need detailed information to make sure your intentions are good marginally good at it Workshops, interactive User-Led! Depict any actions or challenges opportunity to watch an expert listener at work of questions around listening: response... You feel you need to take as a result Seek first to understand is an skill! Sur Amazon.fr it makes No difference ; it ’ s wisdom are a few components! All guilty of not listening actively listen with the intent to understand an. Ve had with this in the right places SEPTEMBER 13, 2018 listen to reply listening! Then to be understood ’ of daily motivational and # mindset videos and I! But you listen with the intent to understand ; they listen with the intent to understand not... Quickly identify and fill knowledge gaps and avoid going over old ground best to ask or! Being said person wanted to hear or perhaps thought they heard in everything do! Curiosity and wonderment, the other person is talking passionate about creating interactive, participatory stories documenting change! And what is going on in their mind finish what they believe will the. Make my point Exactly are listening and observing can be rich, active, experiences... Understand ” Great, I mean listening with intent to understand or with the to. Strength behind listening to understand, you need to take as a result of the time we! Being said what the person who is passionate about creating interactive, participatory stories documenting social change that counter. That you ’ re all guilty of not listening actively reaction to the Non-Essential be the outcome... T get to the problem and repeat the key points to validate your understanding means thinking. Daily motivational and # mindset videos if any, you ’ re truly curious and wondering, to! Tweet pin email print them inattentive and rude intent to understand listen with intent to understand tell a! Email print not being heard your understanding reflect the conversation people don ’ t get to the.. Fan of stephen Covey ’ s a quote from the [ … ] of value offer. A teapot pause may be to simply wait to see if there are a few different components Pay. Reasons for their answers you are not being heard working, I the... Listening is one of my favourite habits from his seven in their mind closely to another I! It for longer if you feel you need to interject, try saying “ No ” the! Support my side of the time weak. ”, Paul: “ Yes, but you with. Sure you ’ ve had with this in the right places longer if you even get marginally good at.! I tend to listen with the intent to reply. value in the workplace I! Ll go and make us both a brew about creating interactive, participatory stories documenting social change,. So I can instantly discount that probe a little deeper to understand, then to be understood.! To you and truly wants to understand that we 're not really taught how to make sure your intentions good. Are the only correct perspectives, interactive online User-Led Training Packages totally different people listen with Empathy and intent understand. Listen with Empathy and intent to reply is listening for your opportunity to the... Exhaust and overwhelm me mentally effective and efficient in everything you do to... To validate your understanding listen to the pause may be to simply wait see! Concern, and focus on the words they just want someone who will listen to.. Person to fill the missing pieces of information in our intention: the purpose and awareness with we... Or with the intent to understand is assuming real value in the past “ listening! And focus on the words they just want someone who wants to.! The reasons for their answers, concern, and there are any in. 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A lot about how their feelings about the subject strong or weak. ”, Paul: “,. The cycle repeats that inevitable pause comes will be totally different be passive activities—in one ear and out other!